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Jennifer Rountree

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The holidays [19 Nov 2007|08:43am]
This Thanksgiving is going to be hard. Hard because the 22nd is the day my grandpa went into the hospital last year. Wednesday the 22nd at 8:10 am. He passed Tuesday, November 28th at 7:05 pm. My family is really having a hard time. Honestly, it's easier for me. I've got a baby inside of me.. if nothing else, that blessing can always put a smile on your face. I don't think my papaw would want me to be miserable. I think he would want me to enjoy this holiday and rejoice in our blessings and mourn for him in a happy way.. remembering the good times and not the last week we had with him around this time. I just feel so bad for my grandma. And it's so amazing she's made it a year. She's had some really rough spots and she continues to get worse.. but she is hanging in there. And I'm so incredibly grateful for this last year with her. Death is a horrible thing, but I like to believe God gives us blessings and small things to help us cope with losing a loved one. If my papaw hadn't passed away I wouldn't have seen my grandma near as much. I would still visit.. but she needs me. She needs me there. And that's what keeps me there even on days when I'm too tired and don't feel like being out. And when I look back and even when I look now.. I am so grateful for this time with her.
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[26 Sep 2007|02:11am]
Been a long time.

Everything is going great with the baby. Healthy as can be. I go back in about 3 weeks.

My morning sickness has FINALLY passed. So I'm feeling pretty good.

Marriage is still as wonderful as it was at day one. It amazes me. Everyone says the first few years are the hardest - so I say if these are the hardest.. marriage is going to be cake. Josh is hands down the most amazing guy ever. He does everything for me. He is so supportive and he's going to be the best dad.

I can't sleep. I have a bazillion things on my mind. Hope I get tired soon. Lots to do tomorrow.
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[17 Jun 2007|11:22am]
Happy Father's Day!
(especially Josh!!)

Yesterday was Joe's birthday so we celebrated that. I wasn't feeling too bad either so it worked out. We went to dinner at Ocharleys then to Funny Bone to see a comedian. The show was DRAMA. Some people got kicked out (a whole table full) and one of them made it back in and up to the stage and was yelling at him. It was hilarious. I actually got to eat some normal food. I've been so sick I don't eat hardly anything. So I had some fries. Woohoo!

And we got some really good cookies. Then we walked around a bit going in some stores and then I got an icee. Joes birthday was much more exciting than my birthday. :-p

Oh! And Carla and I got our nails done yesterday. So I really was spoiled yesterday.

Today we're going to a cookout at Josh's grandma's for fathers day/Mike's birthday. I hope I stay feeling good. I feel pretty good this morning.

Tuesday we go to our first doctor's appointment about the baby. I'm not sure what all will happen there. But we are very excited. Carla is going with us. And we have to make sure we take lots of pictures for my scrapbook.

Oh and I gave my 2 weeks notice at work. I felt horrible doing it. I love the ppl at work. But I got a job working from home making lots more money and that way I can do it when I feel good and I can continue to do it once the baby is here so I can stay home and work.

Anyway! Gotta get ready!
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[04 Jun 2007|10:04pm]
Josh thinks it's too early.. but I don't care..

We're having a baby!
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[01 Jun 2007|09:18pm]
Today is my birthday!

I'm up early b/c I'm going to the Monroe Community Garage Sales today with my mom and Carla. Then we're going to dinner at 4 with everyone and after that John and Tara and Makenna are coming over.

Tomorrow I'm going to lunch with my dad then maybe hanging out with Angie.

This week is going to suck though. Kristi is on vacation. And Jennifer and Hope help a little, but mostly when Kristi isn't there I'm on my own. Stress.

Josh and I have a plan to pay off my car in a year. We want to get at least one car paid off before we have a baby. Hopefully we'll have a baby in a year. Or at least be pregnant. So if I want to be able to stay home with the baby we need to eliminate a car payment. Both of our cars are 6 year loans and I'm not waiting that long.

Anyway, gotta get ready.

Happy birthday to me!
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[22 May 2007|09:29pm]
phew i'm exhausted.

i've been working a LOT of extra hours at work. my grandma started rehab. (they are helping her to increase her lung capacity to help her breathe better) and i've started working on my summer projects.

they are:

finish the bedroom furniture. (my project that got started late last summer)
-it will look so good when it's done. i need to finish the night stand then work on the dresser. (the one i'm dreading most) but i think it will be beautiful.

finish my vanity.
-i bought an old desk for 15 dollars at trenton days. i think i bought it from the trashiest ppl in trenton. it was in horrible condition. but by the time i'm done with it it will be beautiful. i'm no martha stewart, but i love to take old, ugly pieces of furniture and make them look nice. i liked this one b/c it had a lot of intricate detail. i've got some big plans for it.

i had to hose it off tonight. it was so bad i couldn't just clean it. :-p it looked like it has been sitting in their shed for years. but i love it. now i need to find an old mirror that i can either paint the frame or reframe. (preferably repaint..) and i need to find a chair. i'm hoping to find a wrought iron chair with a round seat that i could possibly reupholster. but that might be a hard find. so i might have to settle for a unique looking chair that i can just make my own.

then i want to go to an antique store and buy and old jewelry box and an old hand mirror set. i'm going to actually use this desk. but i want it to look very decorative also. it's going to be amazing. i can't wait till it's done. it will probably take me all summer.

we had everyone over for josh's bday. all of his family. plus my mom, forrest, jeff, joe, carla, john, tara, makenna, josh and crystal. it was fun times. we grilled out and everyone got to see our house and our new and improved kitchen. (which still needs lots of work.)

i'm enjoying my job. it's been kinda crazy lately. but i like working part time and having the extra money. we are really starting to do well financially. (finally) marriage is expensive ppl. especially when you don't have ANYTHING before you get married. but, we have very little debt, other than our cars, and in a few months we'll be completely debt free. and *hopefully* never have to have debt again, unless some crazy emergency occurs.

our goal is to not acquire anymore debt until our cars are paid off. save up lots of money, and 5 years from now move to west chester. closer to his work, a bigger house, nicer neighborhood, more room for the kid(s). i'd say in a year or so we will have a kid. i want one sooner, but i'd like to at least be pregnant a year from now. God will give us a baby when He's ready. we aren't really trying anymore b/c it was so stressful and now we've just put it in God's hands.

our pastor is leaving. we are looking for a new Church. so.. yeah. that's always hard.

my family sucks right now. everyone is fighting and upsetting my grandma. but i don't want to get into that. it's not something i want to look back on and remember.

OH YEAH. the wind knocked our tree in our front yard down. we had to cut it down. but we actually like it better. goes to show that God knows what's best for us. we never would have thought of cutting the tree down. it makes our yard so much bigger. but now we need to put some shrubbery up by the front porch b/c it looks kind of bare. and i've been putting off putting a star above the garage b/c you couldn't really see it, but now you can. so i'll do that this summer. but not until after we paint our shudders and front door.

well. back to work.

life is good. :-)
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[15 Apr 2007|12:10pm]
well not much is going on. life is traveling in slow motion right now.

work is good. it's nice to be saying that for once. maybe part if it's b/c i'm growing up and can handle myself and the drama a little better.. but partly b/c there isn't as much drama as usual. but anything you work with 7 other girls all day there's going to be some emotions flying around.

the kitchen is getting done. i'm almost done decorating. we still have a little to do to the floor. next we're going to replace the coutertops. then put up the ceramic tile along the wall behind the cabinets. it will look soo good.

hopefully we'll be having josh's bday party here this year. we wanted to last year but the house wasn't near as done as it should be. this year it's looking a lot better. still so much to do. but that's part of the joys of having a house.

i have to work 6 days this week. that won't be fun. esp since 2 1/2 of them are at another office. i'm kind of nervous about that. but if i can do well and they report back to my boss that they really liked me, then that will be good.. with that promotion being up for grabs in the next couple weeks.

anyway, just posting out of boredom. we never do much on Sundays.
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[09 Apr 2007|11:17pm]
i can't wait until tomorrow night. that's when josh gets home. :-)

people at the airport sunday probably thought he was going to be gone for months based on how hard i was crying.. when in reality he was only going to be gone for 2 days. but we haven't been apart overnight in almost 2 years. this is my last night alone. i can't wait until tomorrow!

i've been working hard to get the house nice for him. cleaning here and there. but mostly getting a bunch of stuff hung up and the living room and kitchen decorated. i usually count on him to hang stuff up for me, but he's so busy with both his jobs and having to travel and all.. i wanted him to be able to come home to a clean house with not much to do.

OMG i love our kitchen. i think of every reason i can to be in there. it is sooo beautiful. it's turning out so much better than i even imagined. i've got my black shelves up with my beautiful plates and mugs on them. i bought a really cool vintage looking clock for the kitchen. and i bought a chocolate brown table cloth with a chocolate brown scarf for the window to match. i haven't decided on table decor.. i'm still trying stuff out.

we put up really pretty sconces on either side of the laundry room with candles. and i put up a jar candle holder that is really neat looking and a memory board up. omg it's so cute. there's still so much i need to get. and once we get the ceramic tile behind the countertops it will be AMAZING. with the dark tan walls and the way it's decorated, our kitchen looks so fancy. (as fancy as it can being that we don't live in a mansion)

but now we've got my pretty mirror hung up in the living room and i hung one of the black shelves. (screwed up the wall for the other one and josh will have to fix it lol) and i got the Longaberger wrought iron shelf put up. that looks really pretty.

i'm just so excited b/c finally, after a year, our house is starting to come together. it doesn't take much.. just the effort. now if we could just find the hinges, i could finish the cabinets. and then all we would need is closet doors (lol @ still not having them) and our house will be pretty much done! (inside)

outside there's still so much to do. we need to pressure wash it again. and we're taking our shutters down and cleaning and painting them. plus we'll have to paint our front door to match. (which hopefully we'll be buying a new one) and our back door needs replaced.

this year i have so much i'm looking for at garage sales. i want to find an old piece of furniture that i can use for a vanity in my room. and a really cool old vintage chair to use at it. and i'd like to find a chest or something to use for my magazines, pictures, blankets etc in the bedroom. plus i'm still not done painting and stenciling our bedroom furniture.

i love to find old, vintage stuff at garage sales and make it look beautiful. i didn't start until late last summer, so i should be really successful this year. hopefully i'll have enough time off work to do it.

that promotion should be up for grabs in about a week or so. they found my outages, so i'm good to go. hopefully my boss wants me for the spot. we'll see i guess. it will be nice having the extra hours and possible pay increase.

tomorrow i'm going to go see my grandma. i need to clean in the morning b/c when i get back it's time to go to the airport.

OMG 2 weeks till our 2 YEAR anniversary. i think my favourite thing is when someone called it a *shotgun wedding*... i'll never forget that. people are so quick to judge. but josh and i are still as much in love today as we were 2 1/2 years ago. nothing has changed. things have only gotten better. i can't wait for our future together.

and now i can't wait for it to be in our house because we're making it so beatiful!

i suppose i should sleep. the quicker tomorrow comes the better!
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kitchen table for sale if you're looking [04 Apr 2007|09:02pm]

for the last 2 weeks i've been debating whether or not a new kitchen floor was worth all the crap we've been going through.. but i'm not convinced that it was.

our kitchen looks unbelievable. and it's not even done.

i bought paint yesterday and lowes and we painted 2 of the walls a dark tan. i'm redecorating the kitchen in a french bistro/vintage cafe look. it's going to be so beautiful and it will go so well w/ the colors in the living room. i still have a lot to buy, but i converted some of the stuff we had already. i had 2 shelves that i cut and painted black. and we're going to sand down and paint our kitchen table to match probably. (if we can't sell it.. which we'd rather do)

i wish i could run out and buy all the stuff for the kitchen. but it will make it more fun to get it a little bit at a time. i already bought some things.. but there's so much more i want.

josh is getting home late. he went w/ chaney to buy a car. we're getting ready to run to the grocery. we have no food at all practically. there's been no need to buy stuff w/out a kitchen.

well i'm covered in paint so i better go clean up.

yay pretty kitchen!
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[02 Apr 2007|12:33am]
Omg what a week.

So... yeah. Josh wakes me up Friday morning to tell me he lost his wallet. (Which we found today, btw) And a whole mess of crap happened at work. W/E @ those details.

Saturday.. backing out of the driveway I hit Josh's car. 2 brand new cars.. scratched down the side. Then to top it off, later that day at work, someone must have hit me w/ their car door. B/c on the OTHER side of my car, I had another huge spot. (Which Joe managed to buff most of it out)

Josh had all kinds of crap go wrong trying to rent the wet saw for the tile b/c he didn't have a check card or an ID. So his morning was horrible.

And finally.. like 4 hours after they had planned to get started they were able to start laying tile. But of course, half way through that the wet saw stopped working. 15 MINUTES after the place closed. So we were screwed. Josh H. did what he could. We had to wait till the next day to finish the rest. Which delayed me getting my kitchen back.

Sunday.. They had a diff wet saw for us and would give it to us all day for free.. but it was too big for our car and we needed a truck. CRAP. So I called my dad at the crack of dawn asking to pleeease borrow his truck. Luckily he didn't need it all day and we could use it. So I have to bribe Josh with biscuits and gravy to get him to get up early to go get the truck and run to Lowe's to return the broken saw and get the new one.

Right when we got home Josh and Crystal showed up. We weren't expecting them for another hour or so, so we weren't ready yet. But we went ahead and got started. Everything pretty much went smoothly the rest of the day except for needing more supplies. Of course, that is.. until we got home at 11:30 pm and decided like idiots to clean the floor one last time and I broke the stupid water faucet outside and now it won't shut off.

So we had to turn all the water in the house off to get this faucet to shut off. Which means when we go to take our showers or anything tomorrow, it will be pouring out the side of the house. We tried plugging a hose into it so it wouldn't come on.. but b/c it's faulty it still leaked A LOT. So it didn't really help all that much.

And of course w/ it being 12:30 am now.. none of the stores are open and everyone who could help is asleep.

My mom had to take some of my laundry to her house to do it for me since of course I don't have a washer and dryer. (And haven't for some time so I'm really behind on laundry.) And I can't run the dishwasher so we have a sink overflowing w/ dirty dishes that is driving me crazy.

EVERYTHING is in the living room and hall. You can't walk anywhere. And just... GRRRRR.

Our floors look amazing, but omg this week has sucked. Nothing ever goes smoothly for us. We are cursed. Plain and simple.

Anyway.. Josh is outside still trying to fix the faucet and I'm in here venting.. should be some hours before bed time....

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[30 Mar 2007|07:15pm]

life is crazy lately.

work is good. a few bad details about it aside.. but who's work is perfect? it's been hectic. i'm up for this big promotion so i've been working my butt off. but in the process i've been screwing up. i guess it's b/c i get in a hurry. not sure what's going on there. so it's even more stressful.

had a good talk w/ my boss the other day. so i'm feeling better about things.

it was so nice out today. i mowed the lawn when i got home. i can't trim the yard b/c ours is broken. i need to have josh fix it b/c i am clueless. next day that it's nice i'm going to trim the yard and pull up the weeds in the flower garden. i have to figure out what i'm going to plant.

my tulips are almost fully bloomed. they are bright purple. they look soooo pretty.

this weekend we are redoing our kitchen floor. we already have all the old linoleum up off the floor. josh hagins is coming over to lay it for us. i can't wait to have my kitchen back. everything is in our living room right now. it's a disaster. plus i can't cook anything and we don't have running water in the kitchen right now. it's horrible!

anyway. time to go to lowes.
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[19 Mar 2007|11:14am]
So this weekend was very eventful. Josh and Crystal came over Friday before they left for vacation. We went to Lowes and they were helping us pick out the tile Josh is helping us install in our kitchen.

We finally decided on this really pretty tan tile. But we're going to replace our countertops also now. And we're getting rid of our island and putting a smaller one. When our kitchen is done it's going to look like an all new house!

Then Saturday after work Josh Hamm and his friend came over and rode with us to Columbus to see Sherwood, Mae and Relient K. Josh got a speeding ticket on the way there. lol. One of those stupid planes that clock you. So that's a nice piece of money we're handing over. Oh well. It happens.

When we got there, there were already a TON of people standing outside waiting for the doors to open. For whatever reason Josh thought the show was outside.. so we both dressed all warm and were DYING inside when it was really hot. lol.

So we go to the front, hardly expecting people to mosh right when Sherwood came on. And at first we could handle it but it got pretty bad. The only reason I didn't fall down a hundred time was because Josh stood behind me to catch me. Then all at once, about 50 people fell down like dominoes. So we were scrambling to pull people up. After that, I couldn't stand being smashed against the people around me. No band is worth that.. even if all 3 of those bands are 3 of our favorites.

So we couldn't really find a good place after that. We found a decent spot right before relient k came on. They did pretty good. Mae was awful. Sherwood did really good though.

We left after a very long night, and were trying to find gas, and every station that our GPS would pull up for us, when got there, they were closed. We finally found gas and got some ice cream and headed home.

Oh man were we exhausted at Church the next day. Plus I had to be really careful at the show not to yell b/c our solo/quartet thing was yesterday. It went pretty well. Josh dad and Minday came.. plus his grandma and Carla.. and of course all my family was there b/c it's their Church. It was a good sermon. Jeff got baptized and they did the true love waits thing.

Afterwards we all (my mom, jeff, carla, mike, me and josh) went to eat at O'Charleys. We ran into Peggy from my work and I got to meet her kids and fiance. She is so sweet. :-) I really like her.

Then Michael came over and helped us pull up some of our bathroom floor. And after we got some of that done we went to Evendale to John's hockey game and had dinner with him and Tara. And worked on the floor some more when we got back.

So now I've got a million things to do today too. lol. This week is going to be crazy.
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[14 Mar 2007|10:00am]
Life is so wonderful!

A conversation with a random stranger made me realize how great life is. It's funny.. things you already know but just never think about.

Lately Josh and I have been talking about moving closer to his work.. to a bigger house with a bigger yard. We can afford it, but we should probably be saving. But the thought of a newer, bigger, nicer home is always appealing. So we've been back and forth. But I think it's best we stay put for AT LEAST another year. I mean, especially if we're wanting a baby in the next year.

I did decide, however, that I will most likely work when we have a baby. Who knows, maybe I'll change my mind.. but we'll see.

We were looking in Monroe, which at the time seemed the best decision. We were either going to buy a fairly new house or build. But it seemed like every neighborhood we went in I was like "nope can't live here.. so and so lives here.." which made it difficult. Monroe is just so small and there are so many people I don't want to see.

Don't get me wrong. I don't hate anyone from high school. However I've severed ties with every single person I knew from high school. Even my aim buddy list now consists of like 10 names.. I've just become such a different person. And the person I've become really wants nothing to do with the people everyone else has become. I suppose some people will stay friends for the rest of their lives.. however most people might not make such life changing decisions as I have.

It talks about in the Bible how being a Christian is a very difficult life to lead. It's the end of one road and the beginning of another. And my path doesn't involve most people I knew in my road before. Everyone drinks.. sleeps around.. is irresponsible and so casual about life. Even the ones who claim to be Christians.. well.. if they are, they have a funny way of showing it.

We've got some good friends. As much 'problems' Crystal and I have had.. as far as miscommunication and differences, she really is a good person. I'd like to hope that eventually at some point we will be good friends. Not just friends who hang out because our husbands do. I guess some friendships just take more effort than others.

And lately we've been hanging out with John and Tara. It's funny.. the way life changes. When John came to our school.. anyone in our math class would agree.. they would never have thought we'd be friends down the road. We had major differences, to put it lightly. But God has funny ways of working in your life. Him and Josh went to school together and now work together, for the second time. And I really like Tara. And I'm thankful they have become our friends.

I know we'll make more friends through Church. And honestly, we aren't really looking for friends. Which I guess is why it's so easy for me to not care what my friends from high school are doing now. It's not my place to make judgements about who they are, but from what I've seen and heard, it's enough for me.. people I used to consider my best friends, I would never give a second thought to hanging out with today had I met them for the very first time today.

Ronda.. sigh. Someone who I didn't know my whole life but considered to be one of my best friends. Maybe she was always who she is and I didn't see.. maybe because I was different 3 years ago.. maybe after then I just didn't want to see it. But you don't treat your friends like that. You don't do the things you do. Not when I've given you no reason to be rude to me or do anything to me. Maybe I haven't kept in touch much since I got married.. but I was always there and I was always supportive.. even though she was one of the people who I at this point would never consider being friends with. I think it would have to be a life and death emergency for me to talk to her now.

I've been looking back a lot lately. Last night I was thinking back to when I got saved. How I went to youth group with Angie just because she wanted me to come and meet the guy she had a crush on. How I had no intentions at that point in my life of becoming a Christian. And how He worked in my life, quickly and subtely, until that day, June 6th, 2004 my life changed forever. 100% for the better.

My life has always had ups and downs.. until that day. Nothing but up hill. Because even the hard times and the struggles are so much easier. So much easier with God and with Joshua. Nothing seems too difficult to endure.

I know I'm becoming stronger as a Christian and stronger as a person. I suppose part of that is becoming an adult. It gets easier to not get so wrapped up in fitting in or doing what others are doing or caring what others think.

People at work went out drinking. Came back talking about stuff I did not care to hear. It's their life, I won't judge them. It just makes me grateful to be who I am. The fact that I could care less to fit in or be involved. Could care less what they think of me for not drinking and being a Christian.

Like I said, they say being a Christian is the most difficult life. I suppose because you're the minority. But I don't know.. I don't know if I agree with that. Yes.. it's hard in the sense that every day you have to make a conscious effort to not sin.. to ask for forgiveness.. to do the right thing. Fighting sin is not easy, since we are not perfect and it's all around us, tempting us. It's hard when actually care about doing right and not wrong. When you feel consequences for your actions and realize the impact they have on others. When you stop thinking about only yourself and think of others and the future and the things that matter.

But there's a freedom to being a Christian. Having the choice between right and wrong. Having the opportunity to be forgiven. Having the opportunity to live forever in Heaven. Having the ability to affect others in a way non-Christians can't.

I don't mean to sound self-righteous. Like Christians are better than others. Different. Blessed. Chosen. But everyone in life is given the oppurtunity to become a Christian. Everyone is given the choice to believe or not to believe. To live a life of purpose and meaning. And my heart aches for those that don't. Because I know.. I've been there.. I know how it feels. Even when you swear you have the answers and that God doesn't exist and you have a list of reasons why. You think you have purpose and direction and you're working toward something. And things will seem great.. and then awful.. and then wonderful.. but then you're left completely empty. At times you feel lost and sad and you don't know why. You work so hard to find the answer.. is it power? money? fame? love? possessions? But no matter what that void is still there.. that lingering something in the back of your mind.. deep in your heart.. that even in the happiest of times, you know you could be happier.

My whole life I felt it. I never knew why. But I always knew there was something more. And now I know. I pray so hard that people find it too. That somehow, in someway, God works His way into their life, and they realize what they've been missing. It only takes a few minutes of an open mind. To put your stubborn ways aside.. to admit that you don't know it all.. that you don't have all the answers. That no one does. And just consider the possibility.

What if you're right
He was just another nice guy
What if you're right
What if it's true
They say the cross will only make a fool of you
And what if it's true

What if He takes His place in history
With all the prophets and the kings
Who taught us love, and came in peace
But then the story ends
What then

But what if you're wrong
What if there's more
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for
What if you jump
Just close your eyes
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise
What if He's more than enough
What if it's love

What if you dig
Way down deeper than your simple-minded friends
What if you dig
What if you find
A thousand more unanswered questions down inside
That's all you find

What if you pick apart the logic
And begin to poke the holes
What if the crown of thorns is no more than folklore that must be told
And retold

'Cause you've been running as fast as you can
You've been looking for a place you can land
For so long
But what if you're wrong

Wish I knew if people actual read this. :-/
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[07 Mar 2007|11:33pm]
It's good news!

Went this morning bright and early for my test. We were almost late b/c Josh likes to hit the sleep button so I can sleep in.. even if I need to get up. He just can't stop spoiling me.

So we got there still groggy b/c we rushed and the first thing they say to me is "head to the lab to have your blood drawn" so immediately the tears start rushing. Today was the first time I'd ever had my blood drawn and man was I scared for nothing. It's a good thing they didn't tell me until this morning that I had to have it done so I wouldn't have stressed for weeks like I have about this test.

But getting my blood drawn turned out to be the easiest part. :-p

Josh and my mom waiting in the waiting room while I had the test done. The test itself only took about 20 minutes. And either ppl grossly exaggerrated about the pain or my pain meds the doctor gave me to take before hand really worked. I mean.. it hurt.. but not too bad. It was exactly what I had read.. felt like bad period cramps. But only for about 10 minutes.

LoL the doctor goes "you doing okay" and I said "doesn't feel good.." and he chuckled and I said "I bet you're thinking ' If this hurts you wait till you give labor ' " It was weird too b/c it wasn't my normal doctor.. so when he walked in it was the first time I met him. They were like "hop on the table" but I had to at least shake his hand and introduce myself.. although I was still uncomfortable. I've always seen a woman doctor.

But anyway.. I was glad that I knew the results right away. Waiting for the results would have been torture. And I was pretty sure eveything was going to be okay. I have really been praying about it and God has blessed us in so many ways.

So they told me everything looked great. Nothing even minor. So now we know that God will give us baby whenever it's time. We can relax a little bit. Although now I'm more excited than ever! I will be sad if it takes us another year to get pregnant.. but at least we know it's not b/c of anything medical.. but simply b/c God knows it's not our time to have a baby yet.

But everything seems to be working out great. I think going back to Church and getting involved has a lot to do with it. When our spiritual life and prayer life is improved - our blessings come by the bundle. And I'm really proud of my mom. She's getting so involved in Church and my brother is going forward this week and is going to be baptized.

Life is so good.

More than ever I've got the baby fever. I know it would be awesome to be one of those couples who gets lucky right away.. but I think all challenges and life obstacles help you grow as a person.. and help you grow as a couple.

People say "relax.. don't try.. blah blah blah" but that is easier said than done. Plus, I like trying to get pregnant. The charting.. the anticipation. Even if every month that we aren't pregnant is disappointing, it gives you something to look forward to and be excited about. And when we finally are pregnant, it will be so wonderful.

And people can lecture us all they want anymore. For the past year I've treated us getting pregnant loosely.. trying to avoid the advice and criticism of ppl saying we're too young and we have all the time in the world.. While I appreciate everyone looking out for us, we've been married 2 years. Even if we got pregnant now, we'd be almost 24 when the baby came. How much older do we need to be?

More importantly, Josh is really excited now. And it makes my heart melt when he says to people in defense of their lectures "I think it would be the most wonderful thing in the world to have a baby." I know I will cry and cry the first time he holds our baby. He is going to be the most wonderful father. I know, because he is the most wonderful husband.

He's the kind of husband you read about.. the kind of guy you always want to be with but don't think could ever exist.. patient, caring, understand, attentive, romantic, spiritual, smart, etc... every good quality a man can have, he's got it. I think God every day for him. The thought of having a child with him gives me so much joy.

Marriage is great. Work is great. Everythings great. My tulips are starting to bloom. Soon it will be getting warm out and we can work outside on the house. I love life.

I can say I've never been this happy in my life. I don't even think about where'd I'd be without Josh, because we were meant to be together and there's no other road but this one.
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[06 Mar 2007|02:34am]
Well my grandma is out of the hospital. After I get my hair cut tomorrow I'm going to spend the day with her running errands and such. It will be nice. :-)

I'm really going to feel bad if I start working full time. But we could use the extra money and I really like my job.. which is a first for me in a while.. so I don't mind working full time.

Right now I'm in a crappy situation though. We have these monthly contests and I have to compete with the full time employees and get the same results as them.. so when I'm at work I have to work twice as hard. And the competition for March started last week and so they were already way ahead of me when I got there today since I was in training last week. But I worked my tushy off today and caught up. Now I'm off for 2 days so when I get back I'll be behind again. But oh well.. I did really awesome today. I was proud of myself.

Although one of the girls came up and was like "you know it's really great that you're doing so well with being so new and all.. but some ppl get intimidated when new ppl do better than them and know more than them and some ppl might get upset about it..." ummm.. not much I can do about that.. it's my job. so oh well. hopefully no one gets upset.

It's 2:30 am. I can't sleep. Anxiety. I had such a stressfull day today, even though it was a good day. And tomorrow I'm busy all day and then Wednesday.. dum dum dum. I'm not as nervous right now but I'll be really nervous that morning. My mom and Josh are both going to work late so they can come to my appt with me. I pray pray pray it's good news. Everyone pray, even though you don't really know what I'm talking about. But just pray for me.

We hung out with John and Tara this weekend. That was fun. We went to dinner and went to their house and played games. They always let me take care of the baby. I get to feed her and change her and burp her and this time Tara and I gave her a bath. She is training me to be a mommy. :-p I wish we lived closer to them. They are really sweet.

I'm printing off all these pictures of how I want my hair to look. I got my hair cut a few weeks ago but I HATE it. So I'm going to the hair salon that my aunt Jennifer goes to b/c supposedly her hair stylist is really good. I just cannot seem to find someone that cuts my hair how I like it.

Locked up some things today at work that I was supposed to.. so I have to go in tomorrow first thing in the morning and get them out. lol. Hope they don't laugh at me. :-p

2 year anniversary coming up for me and Josh. I can't believe it's been that long! It seems like yesterday that we were just starting to date. And Josh's dad said something that I hadn't really thought about.. he said once we have a baby all of our attention and focus goes towards it.. instead of each other.. no matter how much you don't want your relationship to change it does b/c it is centered around the baby. Now.. I know it's not completely drastic.. but it's true. All Josh and I do is think about each other.. we spend every moment together or on the phone, etc.. we hate to be apart and everything we do is centered around each other.. and I just hope it doesn't change too much when we have a baby. I know God will take care of us. I just love Josh so much.

Anyway, I'm finally getting tired. Rambling will do that to you.
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[02 Mar 2007|02:45pm]
Well my job is going super great. Everyone I work with is really nice. And I really impressed them my first week. Which is good b/c I might be looking to get a promotion soon. Considering I've only been there 2 weeks they might laugh at the thought of promoting me, but probably not. It would be worth it to them. So we'll see. The downfall is I'd be working full time. So I'm not sure yet if I want to do that. But it would be nice to have the extra money to save for when we have a baby.

I go Wednesday. I'm nervous. But at least I'm getting overwith. Hopefully it will be good news. I've been praying really hard about it. Everything has really worked out so far. I'm not seeing my normal doctor, but it got scheduled on a day when I was off when is great. So we'll see..

Hopefully we'll be having a baby soon. :-)

Anyway, I have to go see my grandma in the hospital.. she's all the way in Cincinnati.
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[17 Feb 2007|11:40am]
what a great valentine's day!

we got a test out of the way and passed with flying colors! that was a stress off our shoulders. one more to go..

i fixed a big dinner. josh made me a really sweet card. and bought me a vermont teddy bear that is adorable. we watched smallville and went to get ice cream and that was about it. and it was wonderful.

i made him a heart shaped strawberry cake and cut him a piece from the very bottom and said "this is from the bottom of my heart" lol. and we took a picture of it. b/c we take pictures of all the cakes i make him. anniversaries and such..

can't believe we're coming up on 2 years of marriage! it feels like it's only been a couple months. time flies when you're incredibly happy.

it's snowing like crazy out. i love the snow. but only when i'm indoors and don't have to go outside. lol.

start my new job monday. somewhat nervous. going shopping today for some new clothes. woot woot.

working on my solos. i'm excited. and it's funny.. b/c i thought of auditioning for this other thing.. and the thought of singing in front of the ppl and everything made me so incredibly nervous and sick. but the thought of singing in Church and singing for God.. i feel comfortable and fine. goes to show that talents should be used for God.. and for no other reasons.

i'm working on singing "healed" by nichole nordeman i think.. i've been debating between a few songs. but that one really touches me and is so beautiful. so i think it's won.

well back to my lazy saturday with my husband. :-)
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[14 Feb 2007|02:05am]
I love snow days!

When UC classes are cancelled Josh doesn't have to go to work. :-p

So I got up this morning and fixed him a pre-valentine's day breakfast. A new tradition of ours.

We had eggs, bacon, sausage, biscuits, orange juice and heart shaped pancakes. :-) It was a feast!

The rest of the day we just layed around together and watched Smallville. I took a nap and he cleaned up the whole kitchen and living room for me! He is so sweet to me.

Tomorrow we don't have big plans b/c of the weather. I'm fixing him a Valentine's day dinner. We'll probably just stay in and watch a movie and cuddle. It's nice to go out and all, but when we go to a play or movie or something I don't get to talk to him and actually spend time with him. We were going to go see Sleeping Beauty at the Aronoff but decided not to. He's the only guy I've known who would willingly and without complaint will take me to the ballet. :-p

Lots of personal stress going on for us right now though. We are really praying hard about it and I know God will help us through it. All of our worries could be for nothing anyway. We just need to put it in God's hands. The next couple months will be very revealing ones for us.

Sorry to be so cryptic. Looking back on this there is not doubt I will remember what I was talking about. In due time I might open up to what's going on. But right now it's too personal and I don't know who reads this anymore.

Starting to get a little nervous about starting my job Monday. I mean.. I've worked banking before and it's a piece of cake. But it's been over a year since I left the banking industry and I hope just the little bit of training I'm getting will be enough of a refresher. They are def. looking to get a lot out of my experience.

Hopefully though I'll be staying at home when we have a baby. So I'm not looking to make this a career. But I might have to work.. we'll see. Depends on where we are for our goals of where we want to live and etc.

My grandma is done with treatments. If the roads aren't too bad tomorrow I'm going to visit her. Her first Valentine's day without my grandpa. I don't know if they ever did anything special, but it's still a holiday for loved ones. :-/

I can't imagine how hard it is for her. I've only been married to Josh for 2 years and I can't possibly imagine living without him. But 58 years? I know when she is ready and when God is ready she'll be with my papaw again. That will be an extremely hard time for me.

I was close with my grandpa. But not like I am with my grandma. And I really now more than ever believe everything happens for a reason. I hate that my grandpa is gone but everyone goes sometime. And I'm thankful that I learned about death and how to cope.. b/c losing my grandma will be a million times harder. In a way there were blessings that came out of it. I spent a lot of time with my grandma anyway, but with my papaw passing away and her cancer, I've spent even more time with her. I've really gotten to know her. I admire her so much more everyday with the more I learn about her.

I used to not be able to think about my grandma leaving without breaking down in a sob fest. And it's still really hurts, but now I know I'll be okay. It's hard to imagine life without her. But I am so so so thankful to be a Christian and so thankful for my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Through Him I know I'll see my loved ones again.

And He has really blessed me. When I get up on stage and sing I feel so comfortable now. I think my stage fright is really melting away. Singing in Church is where I belong. I am so incredibly thankful for the gift of music. I never feel closer to God than through an amazing spiritual song. One of the best songs I've ever heard was "Why" by Nichole Nordeman. Can't listen to it without losing it.

Wish I could sleep. I laid in bed forever and couldn't. One day I'll get back on track.

Well, early day tomorrow...

happy valentine's day!
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[11 Feb 2007|04:32am]
i hate winter!

i want it to be spring and sunny and warm. i can't wait to do yard work and plant my flowers. and i loooove cleaning in the spring. opening all the windows and letting the breeze come in. the smell of freshly cut grass and the sound of lawn mowers. oooo i love it!

so i've been a busy bee lately. i start my new job on the 19th. but i'm mostly excited about the job carla might be getting. it would be an office in cincy that caters to the cincinnati reds. oooooh. hopefully once she's in she'll get me a job there. :-p

my grandma is teaching me to do all the things she does. i want to be the mom who makes everything from scratch. so we made home made fudge and she's going to teach me to make home made yeast bread and 14 day pickles and banana cake and all of her other wonderful specialties.

she's also teaching me to knit. which i love.. but have had to start over a million times thus far. mainly b/c i try to hurry and i'll mess up. but... practice makes perfect. but it's something fun we can do together. her treatments are done next week, so we'll have more time to spend together and less time running around.

i get my sowing machine this week. there are so many things i want to make. all my life i wanted to do all things crafty and i just never had it in me to try. but i really love scrapbooking and my first one turned out pretty good and it turns out.. i am crafty after all.. so heh.

my grandma knit me these really soft beautiful baby blankets for when we have a baby. :-) i loooove them. she made a pink one and a white one.

i have to be up in 4 hours for Church. i just cannot sleep anymore.. i've been having so much trouble. i'll stay up late and get up early and be tired all day and then when bed time hits i can't sleep. although it doesn't help when one of your ex-best friends crank calls you in the middle of the night. nice..

i've been working on songs for solos at Church. i'm really excited about singing again. and i have faith that God will help me with my stage fright if i Pray really hard and sing to Him. my first couple times might be disasterous but God gave me a gift and i'm not going to waste it. i don't care if i sound horrible.. b/c it's beautiful in His eyes and that's all that matters.

everyone keep josh's dad in your prayers. he's been sick lately. and as always keep my grandma in your prayers.
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[12 Jan 2007|01:22am]
I love going back and reading old saved emails from years ago or journals I'd written about times I'd forgotten about.

I was cleaning up an old email account and I had over 200 saved emails from when Josh and I first starting dating and it brought back so many memories.

Good ones.

Journals, on the other hand, can sometimes have an opposite affect.

I suppose I've grown up A LOT since Josh and I started dating. All that drama, most of which I admit now that I probably instigated.. or at least didn't do my best to put an end to.. was so stupid. I look back 2 years ago and go "man... I was just a kid.. obviously.. or I wouldn't have acted that way."

I guess I've grown as a Christian, a wife, and a person. I guess life is supposed to be full of regrets.. times that when you look back on you go "I wish I hadn't done/said that" and there will probably be so many more, even as an adult.

I just want to take this opportunity to apologize to everyone. There is only so much I can do about the past, which is little. All I can do now is do my best to not repeat mistakes.

I guess the new year is time for reflection. So much has changed, and so much is still the same.

Josh and I are still the same. Just as much in love, if not more so. But other than that, most has changed. I mean it has to your first few years of marriage. We bought a house, have new cars, new jobs, new friends, a new Church, etc. But we continue to grow together. And as things change, we change with them, but our relationship remains the same.

2 people growing together at the same rate in the same way.. like God's love for us.. never changing.

I joined the choir at Church. I so badly want to pursue my dream of being a Christian singer. I really am going to go for it this time. I don't want to sit on this talent and not use it for God. It's my passion, and it's a gift God gave me, and it's not fair to him to do my best to use it.

My grandpa dying has changed my life so much. What I do daily.. how I feel about life and everything thing around me. He's the first person I've ever lost close to me. And I know now how hard it is to lose a loved one.

I'm sorry to everyone out there who has recently lost someone...

I wish it were a perfect world. Where we could all get along and be friends. I know it's not possible. It will never be possible. People are different and live is strange and uncomfortable and even with God as the focal point it can be hard. It should never be that way. You should be able to walk into any Church you want and feel comfortable and welcomed. But it isn't so.

Josh and I are working hard on a charitabe Christian clothing company.

Check them out at ...




It's still in the works. But it will be awesome.

Anyway it's late and I'm just rambling and I'm almost positive no one is reading this.
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